


Bitter

by altermona



Series: BTH Bingo [3]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Attempted Rape, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Mention of abuse, mention of sexual assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-07 02:47:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16399919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altermona/pseuds/altermona
Summary: When Ryuji hears about Akira's past relationship, he discovers things he could never have imagined about his friend.





	Bitter

There were many things that Ryuji admired in Akira, starting by his leadership and how good of a friend he could be, and ending — though he’d never admit it out loud — on how beautiful his face looked on that dim-lighted room, with a small smile on his lips. That’s why, whenever he got any chance to remind his friend of how bad he was at fighting games, he grabbed it with all his might.

“Man, you’re so bad at this…” he said, after defeating Akira for the third time in a row.

Akira, as expected, kept his cool, sighing briefly.

“It’s because this chair is way too comfortable…” he said. “It’s making me sleepy.”

“Bullshit!” Ryuji laughed. “I sat here for ten minutes and my ass was killing me already!”

“Your ass is weak.”

“Just admit you fucking suck at this.”

Akira looked at him, a playful smile dancing on his lips.

“Never.”

Ryuji was about to retort, when the buzzing sound of Akira’s phone called his friend’s attention. He looked at the screen, and the smile immediately disappeared from his face, giving place to a scowl. He ignored the call, placing the phone back in his pocket. He didn’t say anything, and his serious, almost distant expression worried Ryuji a little.

“Who was it?” he asked.

Akira took a moment to answer.

“My ex-boyfriend.”

That answer caught Ryuji by surprise.

“Boyfriend?” he repeated.

Akira glanced at him, then lowered his eyes, seeming uncomfortable.

“Yeah…” he confirmed.

That information seemed to make Ryuji’s brain glitch. Sure, he knew he kind of had a growing crush on Akira, but he never thought he could have a chance with him. No, wait… Just because he liked guys, it didn’t mean he liked _him_. They were best friends, after all, and… Well, people always made sure to remind Ryuji that he wasn’t attractive in any sense of the word.

It took Ryuji a few seconds to realize the awkward silence that grew between them as he was lost in his own thoughts.

“I didn’t know you were into guys,” he said.

“Because I didn’t tell anyone here,” Akira shrugged, making too much of an effort to seem nonchalant. “People back in my hometown knew about it, and… It wasn’t that nice.”

“Shit, I can imagine…” Ryuji hesitated a little before proceeding. “Hey, just for the record… I don’t think it’s weird, or anything, ok? And I won’t go telling anyone about it, if you don’t want them to know.”

Akira seemed a little relieved with those words.

“Ok. Thanks.”

“C’mon, dude…” Ryuji showed a wide smile, poking Akira on the ribs with his elbow. “You’re my best bro, no matter what.”

Great… If he had any chances, he had just trashed them himself. Akira smiled at him, but soon the buzzing of his phone called his attention again.

“Him again?” asked Ryuji.

“Yeah.”

Ryuji frowned at the answer.

“Dude don’t know when to give up,” he said.

“Seems like it.”

Akira’s voice sounded lower than usual, and it was clear the situation was bothering him. Ryuji felt a hint of annoyance on his chest.

“Since when is he doing this?” he asked.

“He stopped for a while after I moved, but it’s been about a week that he started again.”

Ryuji shook his head.

“Some people just can’t take a hint…”

“Yeah.”

Before Akira could say anything else, his phone buzzed again. He sighed, getting up from his chair.

“I’ll just take the call.”

Saying that, he walked to the other side of the room, stopping close to the stairs, turning his back to Ryuji, who watched in silence. Akira’s voice was low, but it was still possible to hear what he said.

“I told to stop calling. What? That’s not the—”

As soon as he paused, Ryuji was able to listen what seemed to be a loud, exalted voice on the other side.

“I know… I know!” proceeded Akira. “Just stop it, please.”

That voice again, and this time Ryuji noticed how Akira flinched at it.

“I’m hanging up…” he said. “Please, don’t call again.”

He did as he said, staring at his phone for a moment, as if considering throwing it down the stairs. Instead, he simply put it in his pocket again, before walking back to Ryuji, sitting on the chair beside him without any word.

“You alright?” asked Ryuji.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t look like it.”

Akira hesitated a little before answering.

“I’m just tired of this, you know?” he said. “It’s been like this every day on the past week.”

“Why the fuck don’t you block his number?”

“I did it twice before I moved, but he always called again, with a new number. I even changed mine, but then my parents gave the new one to him, anyway.”

Ryuji frowned at that answer, part of him believing he had heard it wrong.

“They what?” he asked.

“Yeah…” confirmed Akira, seeming tired. “Truth is, they adore my ex. He’s like, the son they always dreamed of. After I broke up with him, they spent weeks trying to change my mind, and even now, sometimes they drop some hints of how much of an idiot I was to dump him.”

“What the fuck? That’s disgusting!”

Akira’s face brightened a little at Ryuji’s reaction.

“Right?” he said. “Thanks to that, I wasted more than half a year of my life with that bastard.”

“You shoulda dumped him before that.”

“I know…” he made a pause. “But my self-esteem wasn’t that great back then. And he seemed… I don’t know, perfect? He was less than two years older than me, and already had a job on his father’s company, and was on the top of his class. Everyone liked him, he was smart, funny, and looked nice. You know, way more than I deserved.”

“Bullshit!” protested Ryuji.

“It seemed like that at the time,” said Akira. “I felt so lucky someone like him would even look at a piece of trash like me.”

“Hey—”

Before Ryuji could start to lecture him, Akira showed him a light smile.

“Don’t worry,” he said, “I don’t think like that anymore.”

“Good.”

The conversation seemed to have ended there, but Ryuji still felt bothered about it. Before he could stop himself, he touched the subject again.

“So… Did that guy treat you bad, or anything like that?”

Akira laughed briefly, but there was no humor in it.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” he said. “We broke up, so whatever that was, is over now.”

“C’mon, I’m asking because I wanna know!” Only after saying that, Ryuji realized he could be imposing too much. “I mean… I don’t wanna intrude or anything, but this guy is still calling every day, and I kinda worry about you, y’know?”

Akira looked at him for a while, then averted his eyes again.

“It’s nothing, really,” he said, bitting his lip.

“Akira…” Ryuji turned on his chair, so he could face his friend. “C’mon, I’m your friend. I know this shit is bothering you, and I’m saying you can talk to me about it.”

“I…”

Akira stayed silent for a while, thinking. Ryuji waited.

“I just… Don’t know where to begin,” he said. “Do you mind if we get some coffee before it?”

“You can get coffee, I’ll get some chocolate milk,” answered Ryuji.

That answer made Akira relax a little.

“Weak,” he said in a playful tone.

They went downstairs, and, in the end, thanks to the hot weather, both ended up having chocolate milk. They spent a few minutes downstairs, and Ryuji didn’t try to touch the subject during that time.

They went back to Akira’s room, sitting side by side on his bed. Akira kept talking about anything but his past relationship, and Ryuji knew that he was just hoping to make him forget about the subject. Unluckily for him, Ryuji wouldn’t forget it so easily.

“So, I think you had something to tell me,” he said.

Akira didn’t answer for a moment, but then let out a defeated sigh.

“I know,” he said. “But, really… You don’t have to—”

“Akira,” Ryuji interrupted him. “I’m the one who asked. You’re not bothering me, or any shit like that, ok?”

Akira agreed with a small nod. He took a little longer to organize his thoughts, before finally starting to talk.

“I had just begun high school at the time, and he was a third year. Quite popular, unlike me… We first talked one day, when both our classes had P.E. together. I was just sitting there, alone, and he sat beside me, and we started to talk. He asked me out on the same week.”

“Wasn’t it kinda fast?” asked Ryuji.

“I… don’t think so,” proceeded Akira. “He started to talk to me every day, and ask me to spend lunch time with him. We got close really fast, so it didn’t feel rushed or anything.”

Ryuji agreed with a nod. Maybe because he was already under a negative impression, but everything Akira told him about that guy rubbed him the wrong way, and he had to remind himself to keep an open mind.

“It was fine in the beginning,” proceeded Akira. “He was nice, and we had fun together. But, after a month or so, he started showing his true self. I didn’t realize at first, but he started to isolate me from everyone. Friends, family… At some point, I had no one but him. And still, he’d get jealous over anything. We once fought because he dreamed that I had cheated on him.”

“What the hell?” asked Ryuji.

“He said those kinds of dreams serve as a ‘warning’,” answered Akira with a brief shrug.

“And you still didn’t break up with him after that?”

Akira lowered his eyes, bitting the inside of his lip.

“It’s complicated…” he said in a low voice.

Ryuji waited as Akira searched for the right words.

“I don’t know how to explain this, but at the time, I thought I was the wrong one.” His first words were insecure, even a little cautious, but he spoke more easily as he proceeded. “I mean, he was this perfect guy, and I was… Nothing. So, the problem could only be me. And he helped with that… He kept reminding me of how worthless I was, and how no one in the world would ever love me, other than him. That I didn’t deserve him, that I was lucky and should be thankful that he was with me. He once said I was so useless I couldn’t even be a prostitute, because who would want to fuck someone disgusting like me?”

Ryuji stared at him, wide-eyed, unable to react to those words.

“And you believed him?” he asked.

“I did.”

“Akira…”

“I told you, I wasn’t at my best moment at the time,” proceeded Akira. “I didn’t get along with my parents, had just a few friends but wasn’t too close to any of them, people at school found out I liked guys and started to treat me like a freak. Everything was a mess in my life. So, when someone appeared and said they loved me, I…” he lowered his voice to no more than a mutter. “I was happy. And I didn’t want to lose it.”

Ryuji simply looked at his friend, who turned his head to the other side, quickly drying some tears that threatened to leave his eyes.

“I had no idea,” said Ryuji after a while.

“Yeah…” answered Akira, in a tone too casual to sound natural. “I don’t usually want people to know about this.”

“Shit… How much of an asshole can this guy be?”

There was a long silence, in which Akira seemed hesitant to proceed.

“He tried to rape me once.”

Ryuji’s mind seemed to freeze at those words.

“What?” he asked. “You… You’re kiddin’, right?”

“No,” admitted Akira in a low voice. “That’s when I finally broke up with him.”

“Fuck…”

Ryuji couldn’t find the words to answer. He stared at the floor for a while, having some difficulty in absorbing the idea, clenching his fists as the anger started to grow in his chest.

“Sorry,” said Akira, calling his attention again, “I shouldn’t be talking about—”

“Hey, stop it,” Ryuji interrupted him. “You don’t have to carry all this shit by yourself.”

Akira kept his eyes low, and Ryuji approached him a little, gently placing a hand on his back. He was still angry, but did his best to keep it inside of himself. His best friend needed help, and he wouldn’t ruin it this time.

“Just let it all out,” he asked. “I know I can’t do much, but… I don’t wanna let you keep all this inside yourself.”

Akira nodded slowly, taking some time to organize his thoughts.

“My parents weren’t home that weekend, so we were alone in my room,” he started to say. “We had a fight, I can’t remember about what, and next thing I know, he’s pinning me against the bed, and trying to take out my clothes. I tried to shove him off, and he…” he stopped talking for a moment, bitting his lip. “He hit me. There was a lot of blood coming out of my mouth and nose, and I panicked… I started to struggle, and managed to hit his chin with my knee. Then I ran and locked myself in the bathroom. He started to scream and punch the door… He told me to open, or he’d kill me.”

“That’s fucked up…”

“I was so fucking scared,” he proceeded. “I thought he’d kick that door down at any moment and get me. I really thought he was going to kill me. I stayed there for I don’t know how long, until my parents came back.”

“Tell me they called the cops on that psycho.”

“I wish… When they came back, he went crying to them, throwing all the blame on me. The bastard punched his own face and scratched his own arms, and told them I did that, and that he just hurt me to defend himself.” Akira showed a small, unhappy smile. “And they believed him.”

“Shit, dude…”

The anger he felt was now accompanied by a dark, bitter feeling. He fought to find something to say, something that could comfort his friend, but it seemed impossible.

“Sorry…” said Akira.

“Stop apologizing.”

Carefully, Ryuji brought him closer to himself, until Akira’s head was resting on his shoulder. He placed a hand on his head, caressing his hair.

“Thanks for telling me,” he said.

As an answer, Akira placed an arm around Ryuji’s waist. They spent some time in silence, just like that.

“Are you alright?” asked Ryuji.

“Yeah,” said Akira. “It’s been almost a year now…”

“That’s not an answer.”

A low chuckle left Akira’s lips.

“I’m fine, really,” he said. “It’s just… weird to talk about this.”

“Ok, but if you need to… I don’t know, talk about it again, or anything, you can count on me. Got it?”

“Talking about it now already helped. A lot. I think I feel lighter than before.”

“Good, then. Just do it whenever you need.”

Akira looked at him, and the sweet smile on his face made Ryuji’s heart jump a little. Damn… How could anyone hurt him, like that guy did? All Ryuji wanted was to make sure he kept smiling like that. Happy. Safe.

“You always manage to brighten my day, you know?” muttered Akira.

Akira reached for his face, hesitating for a second before gently caressing it, surprising him a little. His friend sighed, and his face acquired a more serious expression.

“Ryuji…” he started to say. “I really don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of the situation, or anything like that, but… The truth is, I—”

Before Akira could say whatever it was, that buzzing sound interrupted him. He cursed under his breath, and Ryuji had to control himself not to do the same out loud.

“Him again?” he asked.

“Yeah…”

Akira’s expression was bitter again, and seeing that made Ryuji’s anger take over him.

“Gimme your phone,” he asked.

Akira stared at him, a little confused.

“What?”

“Just give it to me.”

Akira did as he said, and, before he could think too much about it and regret his actions, Ryuji took that call.

“Hey, asshole…” he said. “I’m Akira Kurusu’s boyfriend, and if you bother him again, I’ll find you and shove your fucking phone up your fucking ass, are we clear?”

“ _Wha—_ ”

He knew that, if he kept talking, things wouldn’t be pretty, so, before the person on the other side of the line could say anything, Ryuji hung up, gritting his teeth.

“Fucking asshole,” he grunted, as he blocked that number. “Wish I could punch his stupid face.”

Akira simply stared at him for a while. Then, suddenly, he burst into laughing. The sight eased Ryuji’s anger a little: more than anything, his friend seemed relieved.

“You really did that…” he said, when he managed to control his laugh.

“Someone had to…” answered Ryuji with a shrug. “Might as well be me.”

Akira looked at him, showing a wide smile.

“Thanks, darling,” he said in a playful tone.

Ryuji considered it for just a second, before leaning in Akira’s direction, until their faces were just inches apart.

“No problem, love.”

Saying that, he closed that short distance, touching Akira’s lips with his. It was just a soft kiss, and soon he pulled away, looking at his friend with some worry.

“Please, tell me I got it right,” he said.

Akira blinked, taking a moment to answer, as if still surprised for what happened, before a small, satisfied smile took the corner of his lips.

“You did,” he answered.

“Thank God…”

Ryuji sighed in relief, smiling as well. This time, Akira was the one to take his lips, placing a hand on the back of his head. Ryuji embraced his waist, pulling him a little closer. The kiss, as well as the caresses that accompanied it, were more sweet than passionate, and he liked it: that boy deserved to know how precious he was to him.

They broke the kiss after a while, but stayed close to each other.

“Wait…” said Akira after a short while. “So… are we really boyfriends now?”

“Someone has to keep the creeps away from you.”

“It sounds like a lame excuse…”

“It is.”

Saying that, Ryuji placed two kisses on Akira’s face and one on his temple, before hugging him against his chest, making him chuckle.

_Damn_ … he’d never be able to describe how much he loved that sound.


End file.
